K I L L - T H E - L O V E

you're my favorite thing by far

2008-10-02T18:46:00.002+08:00

Let your tears come. Let them water your soul.
Eileen Mayhew

There are some things, I think, you’re better off not remembering

It is strange suddenly, having a memory come back out of nowhere. You think you’re going crazy; you wonder where this recollection has been hiding all your life. You try to push it away, because you think you’ve hammered out the whole timeline of your life, but then you see that one extra moment, and suddenly you are breaking apart what you thought was a solid segment and seeing it for what it is: a string of events, shoulder to shoulder, and a gap where there is room for one more.

“Don’t say we aren't right for each other, the way I see it is… We aren't right for anyone else.”
-The Cutting Edge

"Don't ever give up if you still want to try, don't ever wipe your tears if you still want to cry. Don't ever settle for an answer if you still want to know. Don't ever say you don't love him if you can't let him go."

There's no way around it, I hurt the one who meant the most to me.

we can never fled the misery that is within us

2008-10-02T17:12:00.005+08:00

Iif you be my star I'll be your sky,
you can hide underneath me and come out at night.
When I turn jet black and you show off your light,
I live to let you shine, I live to let you shine

The heart wants us to fall in love, everyone I know wants to fall in love.
Love once got me in the gut, there was no real fight, it tore me up.

And I guess it doesn't matter what I am or pretend to be,
cos it's her you'll always love and it's her I'll always envy.
I want to end this now so dreams of you won't keep me up,
but I swear I'm gonna cry, I'm sick of tryin' to be tough.

"I always thought that there was this one perfect person for everybody in the world and once you found that person, the rest of the world just magically faded away and the two of you would be in this kind of protective bubble. But there is no bubble. Or, if there is, we have to make it. I think that life is more than just a series of moments. It's....we can make choices and we can choose to protect the people we love. And that's what makes us who we are and those are the real miracles."
Ben Holmes, Forces of Nature

"That is what we do. That is what people do. They stay alive for each other." -Clarissa Vaughn, The Hours

Let the lover be disgraceful, crazy, absent-minded.
Someone sober will worry about events going badly.
Let the lover be.

you have two ears and one mouth; that ratio is there for a reason

"Unless we love and are loved, each of us is alone, each of us is deeply lonely"
-Mortimer Adler

"She's been everybody else's girl maybe one day she'll be her own."

These are some lines from a book titled "Conversations With The Fat Girl" by Liza Palmer:
"I do not fear the unknown. I do not even fear death--in the event that I've lived a good life. What I fear is a life of mediocrity.
We're sold this script for life with lovers like Romeo and heroes like Jack London, but we've got an hourlong commute to a job we hate and a utility bill to pay every month. I crave a life of freedom and passsion--but I've sentenced myself to a life of quiet desperation and prime-time sitcoms. I've numbed myself and it's going to hurt like a motherfucker when I wake up."

Where are you

2007-04-09T20:23:00.002+08:00

The best way to save yourself from the endless abyss of hurt would be...
To pretend you heard nothing, saw nothing, felt nothing.

You'll be safe and sound.

I'm standing on shore, watching you as you float away.

You were the master of my emotions. Everything I felt were well kept within your strong arms. The force you exert can break my heart, and pull a plug to emotional torments. Stop tearing me apart, I wish you had known that fact. I don't blame you for not knowing.

Silence

In that drunken stupor, I wish I was.

Never had to remember details, never had to feel what was real. Cos everything was just a lie.

I'm just your crazy indulgence that will go away, soon.
Still, I cannot pretend it did not happened, don't forget, please don't.

Please mean what you said, or at least, pretend that you meant it.

The art of emo-mutilation

2007-02-27T23:13:00.000+08:00

love is feeling, feeling love
love is wanting, to be loved.
love is asking, to be loved
love is you, you and me.
love is knowing, we can be.

these wires tie us up
the bolders bring us down.

tonight i want to fly up above
can you bring me there?
please?

i was too stubborn.
you're right.
though i didnt love you the way you want me to,
it doesnt mean i didnt love you with all that i've got.

we forgot what it was all about.
we only knew what we wanted it to be.

you can scream if you're frustrated
you can fight if you're angry
you can cry if you're sad
you can whine if you're tired
you can sleep if you're sleepy

but if you're lonely
you're helpless.

2007-01-13T15:32:00.000+08:00

if things couldnt get worse
or so i thought
they just did.

one day we'll slide down this place
to another up there in the sky
we hold dreams so we can fly

we drive up hills only to come back down
hide in your head and dream
the only place we find solace

lie so close we taste the grains
rough and coarse gravitate our tongue
on all fours we sweep those dreams

Here's a letter for you

2007-01-13T15:09:00.000+08:00

We're too afraid to close our eyes,
Afraid that we might drift and lose track of time.

We became silent about things that matter.

Time moves really fast when you sit still.
But remember it's not a joy ride.

never love anything more than you love yourself
because everyone needs a bit of self love
or you'll just dry up, and crack away.

the stars brought you to tears again
i dig my heart out tonight
dig my heart out tonight
and bleed my last for the things that i've said
its time to put out the fight
cross my heart and kneel by faith
we cried from the wounds that we cut today
who wanted things
who wanted things to be this way
to be this way

do you even care now
did you ever care
picking up the pieces
the pieces of my life
the pieces that were never there

It was a lie when they smiled
And said, "you won't feel a thing"...
Well if you think that I'm wrong
This never meant nothing to you

did we ever say we'll run away somewhere?
i'd like to go now.

2007-01-09T23:28:00.000+08:00

A cessation of hostilities?
Is it ever possible?

Talk now or forever keep your peace.

Your smile that tore me apart.
You took my heart,
and deceived me right from the start.

2006-11-01T21:05:00.001+08:00

It's a long, long road
But I'll always come back to you
I don't know which way to turn
But I feel it's the right thing to do
There's too much for me to learn
But I'll always come back to you

Cause I miss you,
body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away,
and I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today.
Cause I love you, whether it’s wrong or right,
and though I can’t be with you tonight,
you know my heart is by your side

How long do we have to wait?
Oh no, I think she knows,
that's why I can't let go.
I feel this burning inside,
a feeling that no one should know.
This could be so good again,
I'd wait here till then,
but not with this,
so now I'll leave.

I wonder where you where
I wonder what your thinking about tonight, I wonder.
Maybe you're alone, maybe you've been crying just like me, I wonder.
I don't know why I lost your touch,
maybe I wanted to be loved too much.

Maybe you got scared,
Maybe I have nothing else to say,
But I love you,
So baby now my life's a mess,
Cause I couldn't love you any less

Life's without you's like a stranger,
Full of shadows, full of danger.

How can I sing when my words have run dry?
How can I smile with a tear in my eye?

It's still the same old story - it's still the same old game
Up there on the eastside - life goes on the same
She never knew my number - never even knew my name
She climbed on board that cross-town bus I never saw her again

You're the ghost of royalty imposing love,
You are the queen and king combining everything,
Into twining like a ring around the finger of a girl.
I'm just a singer, you're the world,
All I can bring ya,
Is the language of a lover.

2006-10-25T01:08:00.000+08:00

Sometimes I feel like we're asteroids;
we collided, and now we're hurtling to Earth
at the speed of love.

Watch your crazy little smile,
Play out on the edges of your lips.

I hardly had the chance to look at you anymore.

2006-09-25T20:36:00.000+08:00

I want you, I need you.
I love you.

:( I didn't know it was so difficult.

A sad kind of happy smile.

2006-09-24T21:35:00.000+08:00

Insecurities are eating me alive.

I feel as though there's motive behind every action, every word.
And I'm beginning to doubt them, losing my trust in them.

Why is this happening?
The promos bug is getting into me.
Sighh.

2006-09-23T20:57:00.000+08:00

Promises are meant to be broken.
Secrets are meant to be told.

Why can't they keep their mouths shut?
Why are they betraying my trust all over again?

I know they meant well,
They care, they are concerned.
But why are they still doing it? :(

Hurting me time and time again.

I've my pride,
You've my trust.
But you're losing it all.
Cos you're out to break me.

2006-09-22T21:04:00.000+08:00

Pretending I'm fine,
But clearly I'm not.

Sometimes, I just question myself...
Are they really my friends?
Why am I feeling terrible when I'm with them?

Yes, they are just deriving joy out of me.
Thanks, thanks alot.
I appreciate all those unfriendly remarks.
That was not-at-all encouraging.

So what lies beneath?
I'm just a tool at your disposal.

And where has that feeling gone?
I feel as if I can't love anyone anymore.
You've stolen all of it.
And never give it back.

2006-08-25T00:28:00.000+08:00

I'm trying to find truth
In words, in rhymes, in notes,
In all the words i wish i'd wrote
Cause i feel like i've been losing you.

Hopeless love, why did you carve your home in me?
This broken heart is too weak to hold your weight.
And now I regret the day we met.
And help me forget your name.

It was there that I saw you
In the heat of a summer's embrace
But as time went on
I wondered what went wrong

2006-08-23T00:42:00.000+08:00

No expectations are the highest source of protection.

She smiled in a big way, the way a girl like that smiles
When the world is hers and she held your eyes

The feeling just run deep inside.
Why can't you just get out of my mind?
Sweet misery.

I guess I won't be able to see you at the bus stop every morning next yr :(

I want someone to be right beside me.
I want someone to look me into the eyes.
I want someone to snuggle up to.
I want someone to provide me the sense of security.
I want someone to hold me tight.
I want someone to hold my hand.
I want someone to depend on.
I want someone to love.
And that someone is you.

2006-08-19T00:51:00.000+08:00

The tables set the stage
For a life of memories
But i'm a world away from everything

And i thought my heart was bulletproof;
Now I'm dancing on the roof.

Stay strong.

2006-08-08T00:27:00.000+08:00

All in all,
You might not be the one afterall.

You're just throwing me into a sea of despair.

You wouldn't make an ideal partner.
Yes, you wouldn't.
This is just an infatuation, and nothing else.

There can't be more than that.
Please, dont let it be.

Let this be the only reason to forget about him okay...
He likes someone else.
Period.

I should let go. I must forget.

2006-08-07T19:23:00.000+08:00

15 April - You're my mentor for my group.
And that's the day,
When you'd officially had a place in my heart.
And that's the day,
When I'm totally mesmerised by you.
And that's the day,
You told me that my eyes speak.
And that's the day,
we took the same cab.
And that's the day,
I trekked behind you for a reason.

12 May - At night.
You wanted to have a scandal with me.
And you didn't know how it made my heart flutter.

9 June - Morning
You gave me my birthday present.
And you didn't know how it touched my heart.
Cos you were one of the few (and the most unexpected ones) that at least bothered to give me something.

This day, you sat beside me in the plane.
And how I wished that time would stop.
Cos we would be right beside each other, for life.
But this didn't even last the whole journey.
Do you know this had affected me quite abit?

20 July - Dinner together
:) This is really sweet.
We even took the same bus together.
But we never go beyond the topic of studies.
It's okay, I'm satisfied...
For that night.

I waiting for something to happen in August...

If you know how to interpret the language that my eyes speak
And how my heart feels...

2006-08-07T18:29:00.000+08:00

I'm in love with this boy with the five letter word.

The truth is...
You are still on my lonely mind.

You smiled at me today.
Could it be more than that?

My dear,
Are you waiting too?
For that major exam to be over?
But I'm waiting for a different purpose.
Do you know?

Just as you have touched my heart
Babe I wake & we're apart, yeah
& it's slipping away

Here comes just another day
That's drifting away
Every time I draw a breath
It's dying away

All I want is ecstacy
But I ain't getting much
Just getting off on misery
It seems I've lost my touch

2006-08-05T22:08:00.000+08:00

One look
One smile
One touch
One embrace
One kiss
One love
Two people
Two minds
Two souls
Two destinies
One road
One journey
One ending
Together.

Could this ever happen?
With you by my side?

2006-07-20T19:15:00.000+08:00

Thinkin about this crazy day
I lose sleep
Just to daydream about you

Let's meet at the bus stop everyday, shall we?

I peer up and search for your existence,
And when I saw you, I just felt so nice.

Amazing, it's just one sight...
And you brightened my day.
It would be another bonus, if we'd talked.

I wonder, do you ever show your feelings?
It's tough frantically searching for that tinge of love in you.

I longed for you..
You lucky guy.

2006-06-23T01:13:00.000+08:00

The feeling is slowly fading away.
But does it mean that I'm letting you go?
I've yet to find that answer.

School is a battlefield for the heart.

I don't want to return to school.
I'm afraid,
Really afraid that my love for you will rekindle.

How I hope you know what I'm feeling inside.

2006-06-20T14:24:00.000+08:00

Mosaic of myriad melodies;
You play in my head all night long,
Ears drumming,
Placid humming of sensual tone.

&& why can't she stop thinking about you?

Oh my, spend so much moolahs already! About RM300 ++ already?!
Goodness, I didn't get to enjoy such a privilege in Singapore! Tsk tsk.

It's more than a liking.

You did nothing to make her fall in love with you.
How did you possess such great attraction?
Love is blind, really blind.

Looking at those fluffy white clouds from my hotel room,
It so reminds me of the Rinjani trip.
I miss all of you guys. Nostalgia.

Listen to your heart before you tell him goodbye.
I've got a crush on you.

2006-06-19T21:17:00.000+08:00

In this world of lies,
You're my truth.

I think the new grassland coach is effing cool!
There's individual 'tv' system whereby you can either watch videos, play games or even listen to songs! It totally rocks.
My sister and I watched The Eye. Fun Fun! Watching it in the coach, and it's at night somemore. :D

Brought lots of stuff, but mostly for my friends.
For those who meant so much to me...
I'm practicing self control! I'm controlling what is entering my mouth now.
Sigh.

Fate brought us together.
Why can't it put in more effort,
In bringing us one step closer?

2006-06-18T15:43:00.000+08:00

Mesmerising intensity,
staring at you

// Double-click on her name please.

Her heart skips a beat, whenever she sees your name.
She just wants to experience it all again.
But you ain't doing it.

Maybe, that's why you dont understand her.
And when she sings;
She sings with her mouth closed.

2006-06-18T14:48:00.001+08:00

Bring the tone back,
I need to get out of this gray space.

I'm gonna have a green room! :D
And I'm pretty worried for my geography.
I shldn't have skipped practically all the lessons and tutorials.
Now, how am I supposed to start on my Geography revision?
In the first place, the idea shldn't even have cross my mind...

I shall MUG, MUG, and MUG! Ughh.
In a few more hours time, I'm off!

Excuse me, do you actually have a problem?
Those tinge of sarcasms in your entries...
I don't like it. Like totally, they put me off.

I know I'm playing with fire.
I'm putting our friendship on risk.

I've been watching your world from afar,
I've been trying to be where you are,
And I've been secretly falling apart.

And I know that waiting is all you can do.

2006-06-17T22:02:00.000+08:00

&& if they say you can find love in every corner,
I must be walking in circles.

CRUMPLER x)
And I wouldn't be in Singapore tomorrow night till Wednesday.
I'll be indulging in retail therapy. ENVY ME.
Seriously, I'm very affected over the fact that I've gained quite abit of weight during this holidays.
RAH!

Beautiful dawn lights up the shore for me.
I thought I was born to endless nights,
Until you shine so bright.
Running wildly among all the stars.

It's all in my mind. I know it's impossible.
Cos you never made the first move.
You're such a good little Mama's boy
And sometimes, I hate you for that.

Somehow, somewhere,
There's this part of you that I'm still clinging on.